m for meiyi

Why am I so unhappy? I feel like WHATDAFUCKISTHISWORLDABOUT?

2012-01-15T01:18:00.007+08:00

My life is a roller coaster ride. Some days I can be very happy, but some days I am so lifeless. Talk about extremity.

I would love to imagine life like a bed of roses, everything goes smoothly and be the way I want them to be. I will kill to feel happy for forever.

Learning to be happy is definately one of the most difficult things in life. I haven't master the skill yet (for 21 years!) and I bet more hiccups will come. I can filter unhappy thoughts, people and things, but I can't filter them for long. Sooner or later they will just come crashing down on me and I will just die inside at night when I lie on the bed, helpless.

Why is it so difficult to forget and just take things as it is? What is saddness? What is happiness? How did humans even classify saddness as a negative emotion? I think I should be a nun soon and try to search for inner peace and be holy.

All I know is that, no matter how tough things go, I know the magnificent me will swallow it (hard or not) and just be tough and brave through every fire and storm. NO ONE, NO THING, NO SPECIES OF ANY KIND, TANGIBLE OR INTANGIBLE, WILL DEFEAT ME. I AM INVINCIBLE.

Having said that, I think my emotional stability (or instability) stems from not only myself and my comings, but of the environment and people I interact with. So I screen out things, words, people in order to make myself comfortable and happy. This is not escapism, this is just a way to avoid making things worse (like the theory of throwing good money over bad money, I don't wish to throw in kind effort over sad events with no cure). But if I hate you and you are the source of my unhappiness, I will make sure your life is more miserable than mine.

ANYWAY, first post of the year. Shouldn't end on a bad note. So...
2012 WILL BE GREAT! I WILL BE THE BEST OF THE BEST AND BE AS HAPPY AS I WANT TO BE!!!

2011-12-19T00:47:00.003+08:00

To: Whoever can make things happen

Please give me better days. I don't demand much, I just don't want anymore hiccups and bad events. Please don't add emotional and psychological distress to people around me and myself anymore. I beg you?

Yours sincerely,
Me

2011-12-10T17:41:00.003+08:00

Still barely believe my holidays are here although it has already been more than a week! :D

Met up with Gina, Jr, Mans.

Worked with Kuans and Tabitha so far hehehe.

AND HIGHLIGHT: Xuan and I WATCHED WICKED ON THE FIRST NIGHT IT WAS IN SINGAPORE.

Helluva experience, so damn awesomeeeeee!

They didn't allow us to take photos inside the theater so everyone flooded the hall instead! Virgin experience in MBS theater and I think it's pretty glam. Everyone dress up like they're going for D&D zomg.

ONE MORE MONTH TO THE LAST SEM OF YEAR 2.
SO MANY MORE THINGS I WANNA DO!

332nd

2011-11-19T14:24:00.004+08:00

Here comes the exam period and I have exactly 10 more days to my first paper. On the contrary, almost all my friends are either in exam halls now or have started a day or two ago. But it doesn't warrant me to cut myself some slack.

Yes, there are things larger in life than studies. But one cannot, in any way, deny that the main function of a student is to study. The input is effort and hardwork, the output are the results. If a student cannot perform at least up to average standard, he or she has failed as one.

Having studied so much about consumer behavior in Marketing, I began to understand people's attitudes and hence their behaviors. Your behavior is a manifest of your attitude. You learn from the outcomes of your actions, you form an attitude and then you choose how you want to execute in a similar situation in future. You will repeat a behavior if it gives you a positive outcome and alter accordingly if it displeases you.

Since young, I have this mindset that stress is crucial to examinations. A student who is too relaxed will not do as well as compared to a student who has the right amount of stress, ceteris paribus (same IQ, same teacher, same work done, etc). A stress or tension is a motivation to steer oneself towards their goal. And for me, I believe in eustress - a pleasant or curative stress which is essential in everyone to do well in life. And with this attitude, I have excelled and arrived at where I am today.

I will not alter my behavior in any examinations because something that worked will not fail given the same conditions.

In this world, there are no stupid people. There are only lazy people - people who give themselves excuses like others are too smart, too hardworking, too stressed and don't know how to relax, the world is too cruel, etc. These people want to take the easy way out and avoid stress. Or maybe these excuses promotes self-defense mechanism so in case they really did not fare well, they can fall back on the claims they made.

I don't want to be one of them.

The discipline to fulfill the basic function as a student will determine your future. It's more than just the results - it's the attitude towards the things you do.

331st

2011-11-18T00:58:00.002+08:00

Are our ideals the same?
~~Very~~ Quite afraid that I can't keep you entertained long enough.

330th

2011-11-15T02:39:00.002+08:00

I should be mugging right? BUT NO, I am hungry and sleepy. :(

'You're the apple of my eye' is very apt. The last show that made me have this post-movie syndrome was 'Secret' by Jay Chou.

I never had any regrets in relationships before, except once this year which I managed to salvage. But still, can't hold my tears at the last 15 mins of the movie. Where to find a man like this?

人生很多事情都是徒劳无功。But if you never try, you will never know.

2011-11-07T20:42:00.003+08:00

Some things you will never stop trying because you know you are happy despite the painful journey to get what you want.

But some things you just feel like giving up because you are bored of the same old pain.

Being strong is subjective too. It's not determined by the character of the person, but by the character of the matter.

2011-10-22T13:47:00.005+08:00

Since young, I had always been in the best class. Even if I wasn't, I would be among the top in my class.

In Primary 1, there was no streaming. But generally, negative connotations will be placed on alphabets further back. I was in 1k, the last class in terms of sequence.
In Primary 2, I was in the second best class. 2B. I wasn't happy because I wanted first. Even with a broken right arm which is my master hand, I got 2nd in class.
In Primary 3, I was in the best class. 3A. My favourite boy then went to 3B. I was a little sad.
In Primary 4, I remained in the best class. 4A. It was a streaming year and I wanted to get into the best stream that all the parents wished their child would go.
In Primary 5, I got into the best stream and class. 5A. I proved my worth, my parents were damn proud of me.
In Primary 6, I was still in the best class. 6A. But somehow all great men will fall one day, and it happened to me on my PSLE.

My dream school was Anglican High, like many of my classmates, but no, I did not end up there.

In Dunman, life was very interesting. I bet if I was admitted into a better school, I wouln't have learnt so much about life.

Dunman taught me life is not about studies. You have to fulfil other things in life first, then studies will follow naturally.

In Sec 1, I was in the fourth class. 1D. Hated it.
In Sec 2, I was in the second best class. Hated it at first too, because I wasn't in 2A. But realised 2B is really a super fun batch of people. It was also the time when everything changed. I got to thank the people in my life then, who were responsible for whatever I am today. Especially my good friend Leonard, who eventually pulled out to head to VJC for integrated program. It felt like I lost someone who would fight with me alongside until we graduate from Dunman. This year, I got top ten in my class and got 25/200+ people. I am elated when I was offered triple science.
In Sec 3, things changed. I was in the best class. 3A. Competition was super stiff. Being the notorious me, I couldn't stand how studious the class was. But eventually I settled down. Results sucked relatively to my classmates, but passable in general. They say if you take triple sciences you will be damn stressed, but I believe the stress was necessary. I ended up in a hell lot of remedials in my class.
In Sec 4, things remained. Remedials and night studies my life 4evaaaa. It was the toughest period. I wanted to go VJC to find Leonard after he rattled for two year on how awesome his school was. BUT, I ENDED UP IN MERIDIAN. I NEVER REGRET THIS CHOICE.

08S417 was the best thing ever in my academic life. Despite not being close to them because I was largely occupied with ODAC in year 1, they will forever pull me along with them for whatever thing the class have. I was an outcast in the class who did not feel outcasted. Gini, Kuans, Songsong, Siawj, all became my closer friends in class and after A levels.

ODAC taught me things larger than life, about nature, adventure races, marathons, camps. I dare say no one in Meridian had a more fulfilling life than us, ODACians in our jc days. We lived life larger than books, but we studied hard enough to be the best still.

On results day, ODAC fared extremely well as a whole. Our teacher was impressed with this bunch of highly energetic and crazy ODACians. We are the 6th ODACians and we are proud to let the school know of our presence.

This was the peak of my life. I scored well enough to get in the course I always wanted. I was so relieved and proud of myself.

& here I am in NBS, and the downhill starts. Everyone is so smart here. I could hardly take them on with just mugging (if its even considered mugging). Maybe the first step would be to really start studying like I mean it.

I should bother less about how people see me and view me. I will not care about my unglamness like I would not in my JC days. I will sit with one leg up on my other knee, spin my pen while listening in class, walk like I own the streets.

I will not expect the worse of myself to prevent disappointment from the outcome anymore. Because most of the time, it always happens if I think this way. I will not be afraid of failure. I will compose myself once again and make my days here count. I've worked so hard for 12 years to be here, if I give up now, I will be wasting these 12 years away.

No way, there must be a goal after this long-term university goal I have set for myself since young.

I will regain my confidence like how I did when all evidences turned against me when I was in ODAC.

I will stop trying only when I get what I want.

2011-09-26T16:34:00.002+08:00

RECESS WEEK AND I DON'T WANNA WASTE IT!

USS

SENTOSA

ICE SKATING

SKATING

UBIN

MANICURE

WHERE GOT TIME FOR ALL THESE WITH PROJECTS SIGH SIGH SIGH.

2011-09-09T04:03:00.002+08:00

Olympus EPL-1 is my new asset!

Therapy in the middle of the week w Rach!

Double exposure. True blue NBSFOC vice-chair to the skinbloodbones.

thought this was pretty retarded hahahahahahahaha

LOVING MY NEW CAM!

Work is hectic, but I am feeling fine yay!

2011-08-30T22:16:00.002+08:00

I always hated emotional dissonance. I know I am suppose to feel this way, but I don't. Instead, I am feeling the total opposite way. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I am always trying to alter my emotions and thoughts and its so painful sometimes I just don't want to give a fuck about any shit already. And then emotional dissonance kicks in again. Because, the more I don't want to care, the worse I will feel. It's like a vicious cycle.

she feels upset but she knows she shouldn't be.

she wants to give up and forget everything, but deep down inside, she knows she can't bring herself to do it.

so she continues to be upset every now and then, knowing she shouldn't be.

then she wants to give up and forget everything again, but deep down inside, she knows she can't bring herself to do it.

so she...

If I wake up every morning and look at myself in the mirror, can I tell myself that I am truly happy? If the answers are consecutively NO for a few good days, something must be terribly wrong.

But the thing is, I can't even churn out an absolute answer. I'm partially happy and sad at the same time. How can I be both at the same time?

It makes me feel worse when this whole shit affects people I love. I don't mean to hurt them in any way I swear.

I disgust myself a lot sometimes. By the things I do, by the things I say, by the way I am. I need to change my attitude.

This semester wasn't a good start, but things can only get better once you hit rock bottom.

Heartcandy

2011-08-28T03:09:00.004+08:00

I shall be nice and dedicate this post to the NBS Face 2010.

Charming only.

The Week

2011-07-11T01:05:00.003+08:00

The week that passed had been pretty interesting cos I experienced many '"firsts". Been quite long since I last felt like doing things I liked.

I am at my 8th driving lesson already. Have yet mastered everything and my TP is on 23 Aug. That's like, 1.5 months left. Oh the horror seriously. I hope I will be fine and everything will go nicely since I managed to pass my BTT and FTT on my first try too.

I always loved going out on my own when I am thoughtful or upset. Well, did many of those for the past week. I brought 'The Pact' by Jodi Picoult out to Jco and stayed there for an hour or so with a cup of Earl Grey and donuts. It was peaceful and I felt calm.

& for the record, I am at my 10th roll with my precious Antique camera. I missed Antique so much. For 2 days and nights, it was just me, bag, Antique, and sometimes food on the streets of Singapore. I really seek solace in such solo times.

Last Friday turned out to be a happy day for me. Initially, I felt skeptical to go out with buddy cos something happened the night before. But luckily all was cleared. Had kuishinbo which is super not worth it for us because we ate so little for such an awesome spread of Jap food. Went to some cool place after lunch to accompany him pray and wish for this DB race which is held over the weekend! I was kind of amazed that he knows of a place I don't because that guy's life is only about dragonboat. AND AFTER WHICH WE WENT FOR SOME SHOPPING OMG SHOPPING! Been long since I last shopped with a guy hahahaha this is hilarious. & this guy is really sneaky, he actually planned what to do at night. He bought tickets to ION sky for sunset ohmygod got a shock totally I swear. Never thought such a giant is capable of sweet little things like that. Slightly impressed. Hahaha well, he said it was a form of apology from him for the day before. Quite sweet for a guy to do that I must admit. Managed to take pretty photos of sunset! Happygirl91 for the day!

The three big boys, kel, jason and buddy had their DB race over the weekend. They really put up a good fight. They think they lost the cup, I think they won our hearts. I am always proud to talk about my three db friends. Like 'oh, the three dragonboaters can't make it. They got training.' HAHA WIN. (Y) Hope they recover fast from this race and be at top form for the next!

Another week ahead.

Seriously, I wished you were further away geographically.

I feel closer to you when you are futher, and further from you when you are closer.

Don't fail my buddy please. Db is like, his life.

2011-07-10T18:16:00.000+08:00

2011-07-07T01:11:00.005+08:00

Went to watch transformers 3 with G today! Kind of spontaneous cos we decided on it like after invigilating at mj. To make things even more spontaneous, we decided to bowl when there was less than an hour to our movie.

AND I LOVE BUMBLE BEE OMG HE IS SO CUTE SERIOUSLY. And Michael Bay is kinda cute too (who cares about the hot lead actress right? HAHA)

---

I blew my chances too many times.

I should really be contented with what I've got now and just hide everything else.

But can someone help me? I'm dying a little inside every second.

If I am wrong, then let these feelings go.

If I am right, then tell me what to do next.

2011-07-06T01:48:00.002+08:00

I don't feel safe with anyone, anywhere anymore. I feel like my heart can break any single moment now from anything. Wearing out and feeling pretty tired from all the emotional turmoils I was in. Let so many people down and feeling like a complete bitch is not exactly the best thing on Earth. This whole meiyi-is-fragile-now shit has to stop before I really collapse one day. What's with me feeling angst and emotional all these while? I don't even feel like me anymore. For sure I used to be much more happier in the past, look what's happening now?

You got to chin up seriously, woman.

I'm my own problem and I'll be my own solution.

I've let you down so many times, do I even qualify to feel what I am feeling for you now?

Sidenoteeeeee:

Missing crazy times like this one! This is holiday okay.

2011-06-05T02:39:00.004+08:00

It's been long since I last stepped in here ever since I got Tumblr. Holidays kicked in and yay, I found myself some event part time jobs to earn money and keep myself occupied and to see the world. I believe these jobs help as they give me ideas on marketing if I were to really really major it this coming academic year. :)

Many things happened and I am too lazy to blog everything out in detail. But I'm afraid this part of my fantastic life will be forgotten when I am old next time.

Random, but I wonder what my kids will think of their mum (aka me) if they happen to chance upon my blog, fb or tumblr, next time.

Sidenote: P.S. The following few lines are for my dear kids just in case they chance upon this.

"I am not a mum now but I know how my mum feels I guess. It's hard being one, I have been quite rebellious in my teenage days and gave much problems to my parents aka your grandparents. You can ask them all the retarded (but what I thought was cool) stuff I did last time. Yes, you are young and you can afford time to play hard and risk it, but set your priorities right, from the very start. Don't neglect your studies and take care of yourselves whenever you are, wherever you go. I'm writing this when I'm still a student, so I understand. I'm not being naggy. I'm just worried about all your futures. Its true that we remember days we played hard instead of mundane days we studied like mad, but if you don't study hard and experience the pain, you will never fully appreciate your free and play-hard days. :) "

Enough of trying to envision the future. I believe this might be a safer place than tumblr already. I can cry here and no one knows anymore. So awesome. I can spill everything out and no one sees them already. This place is long forgotten.

Dear blog, I realised how playful I was with relationships when I was younger. Those were the days when teens get together just because they 'love' each other and nothing else in the world matters. Those relationships were lessons learnt in the end, heartbreaks that heal in no time and tears that dry up sooner or later. But it's not the same now.

We were young and reckless. We can't be the same anymore. Many things are at stake, many things need to be taken into consideration. Being together does not involve only two people, but two families, two worlds. Happiness don't come from pure feelings in a relationship without rationality and practicality. Loving someone doesn't mean being together.

At the end of the day, all we can do when we are in a dilemma is...

SCREAM OUT LOUD!

(this whole post is so so so disoriented, as usual)

2011-03-19T14:43:00.003+08:00

Just as I am writing this post, I actually planted myself at raffles city cos Im waiting for buddy, jason and kel. The boys are having their db race now and they've made into the semis. Race might end a bit late but well, me and yanting decided to catch the finals. Intend to do finish my marketing slides here so I can do my stats when I get home later.

And omg, all of them made me blush like mad, esp yangwenjun. He actually called out to J and all of them start to make funny ghost noises. -.- Thanks lor everyone.

Recess week has its ups and downs. But as usual, assignmentsprojectsmoreassignmentsmoreprojects never fail to dampen my recess week.

*A nursery kid just said 'my ipod touch cannot connect to apps store.' OMG?!'*

Okay gonna concuss for a while until headache subsides. Something about waking up too early. :(

You

2011-03-13T04:06:00.003+08:00

Long since I've been here. And I've got no idea what brought me here tonight. It's 4a.m. and I'm still awake (though barely, I swear I'm going to concuss after this)

Days were tough and will be tougher after recess week. After town with V tmr, I will embark on my ethical reasoning 1000 word assignment and more more more projects for marketing and communication fundamentals. Recess week no more.

Been a bit off lately. Saw a stranger, who is still a stranger to me and maybe for the rest of my life. He is talldarkhandsomesmart.
I was never this starstruck for the past couple of decades.
I secretly think I'm mad. But Alice in the wonderland said 'Most everyone's here is mad.'

2011-01-18T01:18:00.002+08:00

Worst results I can ever imagined in my whole life.

It's like JC2 all over again.
You died in prelims, and then you strive damn hard to excel for 'A' levels.

I managed to do it about a year ago, & I will make it happen next sem again.

2010-12-28T14:37:00.001+08:00

PERMED MY HAIR YESTERNOON! WEEE
NETBALL TRAINING JUST ENDED. MY LEGS AND HANDS ALL VERY NUMB WEEEEEE!
GENTING FOR THE NEXT THREE DAYS.

miss me not people! :)

2010-12-24T03:48:00.003+08:00

It's 4.18a.m. now. I'm tired (see yawn and sian face) but I feel like writing an entry.

Exams are over finally. yay.
& CHRISTMAS is coming like tomorrow! double yay.

Exams were really crazy I swear A levels was much easier. & the thing is, I still have 5 more of such tedious stuff to go. Someone please be my saving grace.
Sometimes I wished I was more talented like some of my friends here in school but aye, Im like that and no enough vitamins, oxygen, food, tonics, water, whatever will make me any smarter than now. What to do right, just gotta suck it up and be as awesome as I can. Now that exams are done, the verdict will be out soon. Honestly: terrified. Sidenote: holidays now lah heck care.

Days haven't been easy. Many things changed. My life, environment, relationships, character, perceptions, etc. I'm not sure if I'm better as a person now or then, but all I know is I'm beginning to adapt to changes around me well. They say the only constant is change, I think I'm a purrrrfect example.

Life's been harsh, but I'm glad there are many people around with me. My daddy, my mummy, my brother, and my friends. Some are closer to heart, but the more distant ones are as important.

Many souls had been almost my oxygen last sem I realised. I very much know that they were having no less stress than me, but they are always there no matter what happens. Even when they can't be physically around, I will see notes on my table, a gold medal by my door and letters on my pinboard.

& the best of all, surprise under my pillow the night right before my most feared papers. :)

2010-11-06T02:30:00.002+08:00

For the last month that I've been missing from this place,
I downloaded Skype!

I hope Beng doesn't see this at all. His attempt to be a cheerleader. HAHAHA.

Three tests done so far. I hope all is well. School is really hectic and hall events are flooding. I joined hall sports subcomm and became the netball IC even though I had ZERO experience in competitive game. Omg I hope I don't let the players down. =/

& I am in track team too. Had my first training last night. I SWEAR I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TRACK WAS ABOUT AT ALL UNTIL YESTERDAY. I thought it was just running but there's actually a whole lot of strength and distance training involved omggggg. My stamina dropped drastically cos after only ONE warm up round, I panted like mad. =(

& I am in DnD commitee as a pageant coord with hall king a.k.a. my partner, Sheryl and Romario. =)

& I am going to try FOC sub comm too!

So many &s. BUT SO WHAT. I WILL SURVIVE.

Okay I go knock myself out already. Tmr still got lessons in the morning. ON A SATURDAY.
So awesome right.

2010-10-06T03:32:00.002+08:00

NO TIME TO SPARE.

Accounting test today. 5% weightage and I was super scared already.

Okay byezxs. I dating business law textbook, no time to entertain.

2010-09-14T12:35:00.002+08:00

Many events that happened eversince school started! Bash, Jash, D&Ds. I also feel super alive now cos the readings, tutorials and lecture never seem to end. I sleep a lot lesser than I used to in JC. :(

Okay back to business law tut and soon to my first tutorial class!

2010-08-30T00:32:00.003+08:00

NBS FOC over, Hall FOC over!
Finally the day to move into our room!

COOL RIGHT. The room quite nice!! I like I like. But there's lack of entertainment here. =/
LUCKY GOT MONOPOLY DEAL.

2010-08-02T02:57:00.006+08:00

Toy Museum!!!
Been wanting to go since start of the year and finally got the chance to.
As usual, I'm so lazy to type. My eyes want to pop alr.

BEST

It's 3.22a.m.. I'm so awesome. Marching was so tiring ytd so I had evening nap just now after super nice egg tart date at ann siang with Kel. Supposed to wake up at 8+ tmr to make waffles with Kel, I hope I can wake up and not pig out on him. Must treasure every minute with him because army suck like shit ttm. They inflict emotional and physical pain. Ultimate Hate.

NBS FOC CAMP POST UP SOON!!! PENDRA!!! :):):)

Island Getaway!

2010-07-16T02:06:00.007+08:00

Ubin with Kel on Monday!
Cycled long long hours and more.
Too tired to type, I shall upload peektures.

Murderous aura fail.

Smile until so happy, I like!

Chio or chio please.

& hundreds more but aye, my bed calling out for me alr.
Another getaway soon!! :)

2010-07-01T13:52:00.004+08:00

The past few days spent in MJ doing mid years invigilation were fantastic. At least much better than stucking here today at NLB. :( It's finally JULY and my contract is ending soon. I want to enjoy my pre-uni life. Please let time pass faster for now and let 15 Jul arrive soon, I havent play party relax to my fill yet.

Sidetrack:

I never had a pair of havaianas in my life.
Navy blue very pretty!
Pay is coming real soon!!!
(winks)

Absence doesn't make the heart fonder, silly.
Absence makes me mad.

2010-06-23T15:03:00.003+08:00

Aye world, it's raining now and I feel so zzz at work how now brown cow?

Sipping cold green tea soy no-latte. Thanks Kel! But I don't even know if he reads my blog. -.-

People whom I have not seen their faces for sometime and want to see soon:
Gen
Germs
Gina (but I will get sick of her cos I'll see her for like a year every weekday and weeknight but I don't mind! :):):) )

*At this point I realise all the girls' names start with G, like a funny*

OH I'VE JAGABEES IM GOING TO MUNCH THEM NOW!

Daydream All Day Long

2010-06-18T17:07:00.007+08:00

Canon S90. My gosh, so handsome.

Love to the max.
(the Lacoste rainbow stripped top, not the man)

Whole day at work only think of things I want to buy but purchasing power not there yet.
I is emogurl91.

2010-06-13T01:09:00.006+08:00

I think this photo is so cool cos I so need retail therapy.

Been working working working for about 2 months already. I so wanna be unemployed, play and be carefree for the rest of the time I have before school term starts lah. :(

I realised I've been thinking a lot recently. It's like all these things never run through my mind before. I never thought I'll be caught in this situation. I don't know what am I supposed to feel. I only know I don't feel good. And I can't tell anyone what happened cos they won't understand unless they've been through it like I do.

Why people like to complain to others then later whole bunch of them act like nothing happened? So fake, so damn bloody fake.

Why complain so many things alr still want to be so nice? Why don't want confront straight?

Why do I feel like I've been trying so hard to be who I'm not JUST to please?

Why do I feel so left out from some things?

I don't want to be my society's ideal to please people around me, I just want to be me.

I don't want to be chasing after, I want to be ahead.
I'm really very tired to guess and pretend alr.

My thoughts are so random and jumbled up.

I tried my very best to type this out coherently already.

Like a phail.

I sense irony here.

2010-05-31T22:27:00.003+08:00

My previous post was the 300th. Didn't realise until a few secs ago. :)

I don't understand how romance can happen between two people in a matter of days. And I assume such relationships don't last because there are bound to be manymanymany things they don't know about each other, no? Then will argue fight heartbreak I don't like.

I realised up till now no confession. Your actions like a bit too fastandfurious. They are making me very scared.

But still,
sincerity is charming.

P.S. Been very stupid since start of year, need to be smarter already. Took back my heart, now keep it safe.

2010-05-28T03:38:00.004+08:00

I think I'm falling very deep in love with Lomography.

I'm actually feeling ~~pretty~~ very tired but something just hold me back from going to bed. And my poor stomach is growling so damn bad I will kill to have supper now.

There are some people who are worth the effort and time, and there are simply some who are not.

You belong to the former and the other you belong to the latter.

2010-05-23T17:51:00.007+08:00

I actually posted something here.
But I saw something somewhere and decided to cancel this whole section already.

I think I'm a fucking bad friend. I can go die and eat a pail-ful of shit. I don't know what happened to me this year. Ever since whatever happened last Dec, my whole life is in disarray. Probably I'm still not getting used to whatever life I'm living now (which kinda suck big time cos I don't want to be fucking miserable like that)

How come everyone else can handle their lives themselves, while I always need someone to fall back on? Like fuck, my life I want to handle it by myself but I can't manage. Why am I like that? Sometimes, or rather most of the time I think I'm fucking desperate. Or in short, SLUT + BITCH.

I need some fucking good adjustment to my character and morals seriously.

And fuck you, you are part of the reason of this whole fucking shit. But thank you, you made me wake up my idea.

Fuck this stupid post lah.

2010-05-13T15:15:00.000+08:00

I beg you to let me go please.
I'm going to collapse any moment.

2010-05-05T15:11:00.004+08:00

5 more mins till break time is over.
2 hours and 15 mins more till work is over.

I'm so bored+sleepy now someone save me.

I received a text yesterday afternoon which brightened up my sick+sian+sad day.

jj "Hullo meiyi this is jj don't sian and sad over."
me "Omg, I think someone invaded your phone."
jj "That's the way to talk on the radio."

Still 'Hullo' me somemore, gen wo act yi ge cute.

2010-05-02T02:08:00.009+08:00

Dear Gina Foo,

I hope you read this.
You're my listener when I'm down, my fellow friend that celebrate with me when I'm happy. You make me worry when you're unwell. You watch me drink my sorrows and tell me to stop when I'm a little too high. You text me randomly to tell me lame and funny bits. You call me to tell me things first hand when you're happy. You make lectures interesting for me just by sitting beside me for Econs and Maths. You make me happy by sending me cards during special occasions. You almost ruined my birthday surprise this year which makes it so much more memorable. You're willing to swallow and suck it all up when I pour out things to you at times when you are feeling like rubbish too. You're one of the few that can stand my nonsense. You're with me even when everyone else is not. You're the first person I will tell my problems to. You're the one who remains optimistic between us when things are on the flip side.
So please don't care all the negative comments you hear.
You're the most awesome person I've known thus far. :)

More than Sincerely,
Mei Yi

2010-04-28T10:18:00.000+08:00

Fuck you.
Quit playing mind games with me.

2010-04-25T18:56:00.003+08:00

My phone dropped into the Tampines Mall toilet bowl last Friday.Period.

I'm currently feeling like shit.

I feel so wasted, so useless, so no-backbone. I want to cry, again. This week has it's ups and downs and currently I'm at the latter. I can't believe what just happened in the last 24 hours. I made a wrong decision and I regret it, very much to my dismay. But it made me realised what's going on really.

I helped someone because I was worried for her although I don't know her besides seeing her a few times only. And it turned out like she thought I was sneaking up on her. What a joke. It's just coincidence that my friend told me they were at some place at that moment so I knew about her whereabouts. Then another friend told me what she was doing and what happened to her. Then I just gave my opinions and help what, GOT WRONG MEH? The only mistake I made was to even CARE in the first place. I had to swallow it all and explain myself like I was being interrogated. wtf.

I can't stand it anymore. I had enough of feeling sucky and being left hanging and being used.
I am here, you are not.

2010-04-23T01:21:00.003+08:00

I don't mind having steamboat + BBQ for life. :)

Good work, nice and funny new work mates, got call from SMU like finally, GOT LETTER FROM NTU BUSINESS (YAY YAY YAY!), and I passed my Basic Theory Test!
This is a damn good week like what sunshine says. Life is too good to be true. Thank god. :)

2010-04-21T23:48:00.006+08:00

OMG,

NTU BUSINESS SENT ME

ACCEPTANCE OFFER!!!

HAPPY UNTIL I CAN FLY TO THE

SKY.

:):):):):)

2010-04-21T00:20:00.003+08:00

Saw pictures at kuan's blog.

I REALLY MISS GOING GENTING WITH THE 3 OF THEM A LOT.

2010-04-20T10:13:00.002+08:00

I miss Genting! :(

I'm currently working now and is here only because there is a short break.
Colleagues here are so funny and comical, they make me laugh almost 24/7 except during working hours because my computer doesn't tickle me. Bel made me choke on beancurd last night (I know it's wth) when she was folding star with straws. First the star had 4 edges, then next the star had 6. Like joke please. Omgomgomg.

SMU just called me up for an interview next Tuesday. I need strength and luck.
I'm waiting very very very eagerly for a mail that is super important to me.
It's my future. :/

Okay, break's over. Back to work.

2010-04-10T18:58:00.004+08:00

Life can't get any better. This coming week is probably the last week I'm going to be free (so are you sunshine!) I'm very excited about the upcoming Genting trip because I get to go holidays with other happy three friends! :)

I'm going to have confidence in myself this coming Monday at NTU's interview.

(Will continue when I come back from dinner&shopping with mum and dad!)
Okay back, at an unearthly hour I know but who cares. Heh.

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG, Kuans & I were so excited we thought of what to wear what to bring what to do there. We even took out pen&paper to mark down our expenses!! Like a fun!

I'm so glad and thankful that mum and dad allowed me to travel with dearfriends after I talked to them about it. Thankyousomuch mummy and daddy for trusting me. They won't see this but: I LOVE YOU MUM AND DAD. :)

Sidenote:
YAY TRAVELLING!

Like a nice. :)

2010-04-09T17:47:00.003+08:00

Sharon was so nice this afternoon, she helped me fill in the form for the NDP marching job! Super good money + super fun + once a lifetime experience + only saturdays + wear cool uniforms zomg. What's not to love. ♥

& I found myself a Monday-Friday admin job too! I hope the person calls me back fast fast fast so I can start work next week! No more slacking at home and wasting life. The thought of work from Monday-Saturday makes me very excited. I know you must be thinking I am madcrazystupid (LOL jr!) but when you rot for about half a month you will understand how I feel about being employed. Heh heh heh. :)

When we're both young and I first saw you

I close my eyes & the flashback starts

I'm standing there, on the balcony of summer air.

Omg like lesbian I bth myself.
Gf: You know you love me, I know you care. (wth JB's baby. omgicantbelieveiamsohighnow)

So please don't kill me. :)

2010-04-09T02:05:00.002+08:00

Ginafoohuiyu so biatchy Chinmeiyi cannot stand her.

MEIYI says:
NO?!?!!?
OMG
you are prettier than her.
i dont care

Gf says:
HAHAHAHAH RIGHT

MEIYI says:
mwarks to you
(wink wink)

Gf says:
YUCKS DISGUSTING OMG
Dont try to suck up to me wont work one
You still ah lian looking HAHA

MEIYI says:
its supposed to be sweet. you just broke my fragile heart
=(

Gf says:
LOL awwwwwwwwwwwww
dont sad dont sad

MEIYI says:
im going to blog this
you are going to appear like a bad friend i dont care

Gf says:
TSK OKAY LOR

I actually asked her what colour she likes so I can colour-code her replies in that colour, but I decided that since she is such a bad person, I'm going to give her the colour I hate most.

2010-04-08T02:07:00.005+08:00

I'M SO DAMN BROKE THESE DAYS I NEED A JOB.

I can't even process my finished film.
I can't even succumb to my cravings at times.
I can't even do shopping.

WORST of all,
I can't even step out of house, cos when I do, I'm tempted to do all of the above. And when I don't get to do them, I will be so upset. MAJOR :(

-----

Sometimes I think to myself, why am I doing things that will make others happy but myself sad? Why should I accommodate to people when I know at the end of the day, I'll be the one getting hurt? Makes no shit sense at all.

Everytime I'm upset, you don't know. I'm not some goddess, I have feelings too. I'm just another human being like you. I hope to be selfish like you too.
Time to stop.

(Went to watch youtube and waste time, two hours later)

I fucking miss you, but I can't tell you like how I used to.

If I were blue, would you be there for me

And whisper in my ears that's ok.

Random small bits of life.

2010-04-06T02:59:00.003+08:00

Went jogging with Kuan today at mjc! Feel so much lighter now. (HAHAHA IKR, run so little like can lose weight like that.)

I can't stand people who make an attempt to show off their life, cos it's not like I care, I just get very irritated. EPIC PHAIL TTM.

And muahahaha: KUAN, I THOUGHT OF A BUSINESS IDEA!

I need a breather.

2010-04-01T04:47:00.003+08:00

I love that you won't read my blog and know nothing that I said. So everything about you will be channelled here for my heart is too tired.

&love, can I have a wish come true under the dark blue sky void of shooting stars?

280th Post

2010-03-31T02:55:00.002+08:00

JOKE. Credits: Gf and my phone.

Spent the first half of the day with Vivien @ Tamp Post and then to Raffles City for our so-called-budget-lunch-which-turns-out-to-be-macs-value-meal. We talked about everything, our troubles and saddness and happiness and pek chek moments and well, life. She bought 2 necklaces from me! She's cute much, say don't want spend money in the end buy food buy necklace and even decided that she will get a wallet from accessorize. -.- Still, heartyouverymuchrandomfriend.

Left her to rot at work at noon and had some alone time to alter top, shopping, and omgttm, cut my hair. I have bangs now which I will side-sweep it. The hairdresser say I've got babyface when I smile. Like seriously? Why my camp people all say I aunty! :(

Got home at late noon and I fell asleep until 8p.m.. I was weaving in between consciousness and unconsciousness. Felt sick like dizzy and all with the queasy tummyaches.

-----

I would very much love to text or call you, or even send smoke signals to tell you that I'm in a very bad shape. But I realised you are too.

The farther I try to get away, the more I long to see your face.

Can't be with or without you.

Turmoil

2010-03-29T03:59:00.006+08:00

I've been having difficulties to express myself ever since A's ended. Think it's been too long since I last wrote in proper completed sentences. This is bad, because my education doesn't just end here and I want people whom I communicate with understand what I'm saying. Gah.

I know people close to me have been trying their best to protect me and showering me with a whole bunch of Tender Loving Care, and I can't love them enough for that. But no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, I'll still be me. I choose to not believe certain things that happened and I won't believe them cos' they don't feel real, at all. Too many things unsaid and unexplained. But I don't wish to know more, because I'm happier living my life like that.

I shouldn't let myself be wasted, no I won't be. I deserve a life better than this. I deserve anything better what I feel inside now. What don't break me makes me stronger.

Even the song I'm listening to now reminds me. Wtf. How am I to go on like this?

Talk to me and I look fine while I am not. Look at me laugh at silly jokes when my laughters are just a facade. Watch me do funny things in an attempt to make friends happy when I'm not even that. I'm becoming iyiem. Opposite of the usual me. Ha-ha-ha, lameass.

Sucks to be me.
Cos' in your eyes I'd like to stay.

2010-03-27T03:03:00.006+08:00

The past few days were good.
Went many places I didn't go before/for ages.

Tuesday: Eat-until-fat-and-be-science-students-day with K.

Henderson's!

Wednesday: Met kuanzy!

Thurday: LIANG TEH FOR GGGEEENAAA WITH K!

Friday: stuck at home. =(

SATURDAY: FLEA MARKET AT NEW *SCAPE. COME SUPPORT ME AND ANNGEE PEEPS. LOVE LOVE LOVE.

2010-03-22T19:46:00.004+08:00

Am using Jr's lappy now to blog.
And this isn't a good sign cos it shows that I'm not home cos Idontwanttobesadandstonewholeday.

I hate it that I have to do all the weird things that I don't do to forget.
I hate it that I have to throw darts to vent my anger.
I hate it that I have to draw a stick man and aim.
I hate it that I have to play badminton to destress after eons of no-exercising.
I hate it that I have to act like I'm okay and fine in front of you and many others when I'm not.
I hate it that I have to act like I'm happy when I feel like murdering anyone.
I hate it that I have to laugh when I want to cry.
I hate it that I can't cry when I very much want to cry.

I hate it that it's still at my bedside, in my wallet, on my phone.
I hate it that I'm feeling so confused and messed up.
I hate it that I must act as though nothing happened.

Most of all,
I hate it that it has to be you.

2010-03-21T15:41:00.002+08:00

When you are near me
When you are here I see all that I am made of
And all that I have.

2010-03-15T13:46:00.002+08:00

LOL. So embarrassing~ (aunty lucy's hand sign)

Finally one day spent at home to rest and relax.
Spent my weekends solely on NTU and NUS open houses respectively.
I'm going to try all means to get into the course I really really really really really want and I've come to a conclusion about my future already.
Nevermind about me being a borderline case, I'm going to follow what my heart and Sunshine says: try my very best.

JIAYOU MEIYI, you can do it. :)

2010-03-13T01:21:00.004+08:00

I sound like cows when they moo now.

Have been speaking and shouting at the top of my voice for the past three days and now I lost it. (sadface)

Had my first camp as an instructor in St. John's Island.
Had to handle 13year-old HCI kids. I was quite lucky that my kids are obedient. They even won themselves the best group title! (happyface)

Had to bathe in no-door cubicles with no locks for the main door.
Had to sleep on beach beds, which I smartly left my phone giap-ed in between them when I keep them in the store this morning. Panic attack. Thanks to Kel Vin and BFG for letting me use their phone to spam call my phone 21 times. And thankyousomuch Weiyang, who shfted the beds and finally found The Bed that I slept on, that my dear phone is beside me now.(happyface)

Had to run up and down slopes in SJI for almost all the activities. (tiredface)

Had a chance to go crazy with very fun instructors.

Good experience overall. Can't wait for the next camp. :)

2010-03-08T01:36:00.008+08:00

I was looking through all the files and I realised I must have spent a bomb during the neoprints era.
HAHAHA.

sec 3

sec2

sec 2

sec 3

sec 2

sec 3

sec 2

I LOVE THIS BEST!

Taken during 2B chalet 2005.

Channel U had the slogan "带动亚洲流行" during that period of time.

SO COOL RIGHT. HAHAHA!

And then...
We decided that neoprints are too expensive.
So we tried a new method: taking photos of the preview display screen beside the neoprint camera!

This photo was named 'freeSHOTS'.
OMG. cheapskate ttm.
LOL.

So cool, now I feel like taking neoprints, oh no.

2010-02-28T01:52:00.002+08:00

It's been such a long time since I last blogged.
And I have no idea what made me come here tonight.

Anyways, jr sp gina:
you guys ate honey cos all of you super sweet!
Thank you so much to those who wished me via calls, sms, fb today. loveyouallverymuch. ♥

I promise I will put nice peektures and a good entry very soon. :)

And be safe sunshine. :)

2010-01-21T00:52:00.002+08:00

I don't want to be miserable.
I hate this feeling.

2010-01-14T23:50:00.018+08:00

Went to 'Jump' movie premier yesterday thanks to gina! :)

Started off with us reaching Lido and then a reporter came and interviewed us.
HAHAHA.

Credits to: http://www.incinemas.sg/blog/blogdetail.aspx?newspostID=683

The star was Leon Jay Williams, who I must admit is super cute. =x

I first saw him on a taiwanese drama series called 綠光森林 and already think he is cute.

I didn't even think that I will get to see him face to face nor take a photo with him in person.

And gosh, he is a SINGAPOREAN!

OMG.

Oh, we saw Belinda with this actress whom I see before but not know her name.

They are prettier and smaller in size real life.

'Jump' had a typical plot but it was not bad.

It made me feel like dancing after the show too.

LOL.

And I noticed that some of Leon's smiles are crooked. NICE. HAHA.

Peek-tures:

He is one hardcore fan. HAHAHA.

In a nutshell:

LEON JAY WILLIAMS,

I AM STARTING TO LOVE YOU.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

2010-01-11T23:32:00.005+08:00

I was on the bed at like 2+a.m. ytd night BUT...

STAYED UP THE WHOLE DAMN NIGHT UNTIL 7.30A.M. DOING NOTHING BUT JUST CLOSING MY EYES BUT CAN'T SLEEP!
Might as well hit bed at like 5a.m. like I always do and fall asleep faster omg.

TODAY:

Wake up call.
Apply driving license.
Stucked at Eunos mrt thinking where to go next.
Decided on Dhoby Ghaut.
Got laughed at for mixing up red and purple mrt tracks. =(
Sherlock Homes at super cold Cathay.
Ate nice smooth beancurd.
Attempted to walk to Haji Lane under extreme warm weather.
Got lost initially but found our way there under extreme warm weather.
Attempted to walk to flyer, but ended up at Esplanade roof top. =)
Had to ps J for dinner at home. Felt terrible, but mummy is scarier.

It's miracle how I'm still able to be awake now, after the above plus the deprived hours of sleep. Maybe I'm becoming a fairy cos I heard they don't need sleep.

Not bad. :)

2010-01-04T02:32:00.003+08:00

From a friend's blog:

" Every girl needs a man. You know, the kind that’ll treat you right. The kind that has enough respect for you & is willing to change, just to be with you. The kind that searches for you with all his heart & that can be trusted in a room full of beautiful girls. Every girl needs a man who won’t cheat on her because he knows she’s got all that he wants & needs already. He won’t mind calling you early in the morning just to say good morning or late at night to say good night; maybe even sing you a good morning song & tell you a bedtime story or talk to you until you fall asleep. This guy will be the kind that’ll do anything for you, even if it’s to just go to the store & buy you your favorite kind of candy. He would defend & fight for you & wouldn’t bail on you for his friends when you need him most. The kind that won’t leave you lonely & wondering; the one that calls you surprisingly, even if he’s out with his friend, to just tell you that he loves & misses you a lot. The kind that isn’t afraid to smile to his friends every time you’re around & tell them, “She’s the one”. The kind that appreciates you for the things you do for him, even if they’re little. The ones that actually thank you for the little love notes you leave him, waits for you when you’re falling behind, & opens doors for you. Every girl needs a man who will take you out on dates once in awhile & buys you flowers just because it’s a Wednesday. The kind of guy that notices your hair when you just got it cut or done beautifully for him. He would remind you that he loves you & that he’s happy to be with you, just in case you forget. The kind that just doesn’t want kisses & hugs, but to actually be loved & to love. You deserve a guy that will call you beautiful instead of hot, who kisses your forehead when you’re down, tells you to be strong & to not cry, & when you do cry, he’d cry with you when times are hard. The kind that will go through thick & thin with & for you. The kind that just loves you for who you are & not for who you aren’t and loves you because you’re his favorite girl in the whole wide world. "

Appear in front of me now, angel.

2010-01-03T02:07:00.003+08:00

Just came back from 08S417 bbq at Song's place feeling a tad too giddy.

It was super nice to see all the girlies again after a month.

And all the camwhoring that our class always do with ky's or gf's DSLR.

New year was intersting this year.

Went to zx's house after countdown with family with maine and sp.

The guys wanted to hide and pretend as though there's no one home.

Too bad, we spotted them running about trying to hide when we reach.

HAHA.

Drinking games, taboo, mahjong, movies, sparkles!

As I'm typing this, my head is spinning.

2010 resolution #2: To be a better drinker.

2009-12-31T01:08:00.003+08:00

Just got home not long ago from simpang with ODAC.
My neck and back still hurts like crap even after three days, changing to a new pillow, medication, tiger balm patch, massage by mum, analgesic balm.
Whats wrong?!
=(

I haven't start earning money and will not until 26th Jan at Robinsons Expo sales.
I'm going to come up with some fantastic business plan that will make me rich enough to:

- buy daily contact lenses because I strongly insist that wearing specs is neither nice nor comfortable
- learn driving
- put braces
- see skin doctor for my dear face

And all of the above need super a lot of money each.
Sian.

2010 resolution #1: Come up with plan to make big money.

2009-12-21T01:48:00.004+08:00

I think I smell like Chocolate Macaroons now.

I've been trying to bake the best on Earth for almost a week to make it in time for Christmas.
Spent 7 hours straight to figure out the chocolate batter.
Bet I wasted resources enough to feed people that went hungry for days full.
Tsk tsk.

Finally going out to meet the world later with Sp and Mans. =)

Being bored to tears is not a good feeling.
I need to do things to get away from the lingering thoughts.
Just for a little while more.
&I want to dream of ~~you~~ us tonight.

2009-11-27T16:27:00.005+08:00

It's been a long long long time since I last hit this place.

A' levels are over!

I've been reminding myself not to think about it since it's all over and what's done is done.

All will be fine. =)

Have been going out to a lot of places lately.

Not a lot, but particularly two places.

Orchard, sentosa, orchard.

And when night falls, I give my time to watching THOMAS ONG!

watched Perfect Cut 2.

I still can't believe that he is 40.

Perfect Cut 1

Perfect Cut 2

The show is good 'cos it makes you think about societal issues.
And I only grew to like Thomas Ong only after I started watching this.
=)

But watching him until late night like 3a.m. everyday isn't a good idea.
I got a bad throat. =/

Alright, time to go down to the small park to find some hot pretty babe in Phobos shirt. =)

2009-07-18T22:54:00.002+08:00

I should not cry over my results anymore.
I must start on my super intensive mugging.

Love you all peeps, I'll only be here like once in a long while.

P.S.:
I love maine for the lollipop she gave me when I'm super down upon receiving maths paper.
I love Xtina for that loving sms at that time too.
=)

2009-07-08T23:42:00.004+08:00

I'm glad I managed to survive without blogging a proper post for the past one month or so.
Was so busy catching up on my work after ODAC ended. (frowns big time)

The so-called june HOLIDAYS had it's fun bits like the ODAC farewell BBQ.
But majority was spent dating my notes. =(

The mid-years came and went in just a week and a day.
I hope my efforts are directly proportional to my results.
If not, it spells S-H-I-T for me. =/

My train of thoughts are choppy I realised.

And quoting Amanda, we're all suffering from 'mid-years hangover' yesterday.
LOL.
So the 14 of us went to Sentosa! (which was planned way early before MYE)
Half the time was spent playing volleyball and running about and the sand there didn't help. =(

credit: kuan yee

It felt good being out with them yesterday.
I'm beginning to love them more. =)

Post-mortem for Econs and Chem tmr.
I'm not really prepared to take any blows yet.

Sidenote:
I'm starting to miss my carefree childhood days.
=(

2009-06-22T02:13:00.002+08:00

As all of you can see,
It's currently in a hiatus.

Miss me, miss me not.
Will be back when I want to.
Watch for this place. =)

2009-05-23T23:57:00.006+08:00

It's been almost a month since I last blogged.
And within this whole month,
I managed to achieve many things which made me very satisfied with myself.
Talk about self-loving.
Haha.
So many pictures to upload, so little time.
=(

Mount Ophir 2009:

That's Mendel in front of me at one of the many vertical walls.

Annapangma (some fantastic group name) with jr at the summit!

Damn damn chio. We can see clouds moving at a lower height than us! Omg.

Walking to the campsite with no grass. LOL.

Beautiful people. =)

Exposé 2009 just ended like 10 hours ago.

Didn't sleep at all omg.

I finally manage to go up the abseiling area!

Stood there to help retrieve rope for almost 2 whole hours with Mr. Eric Chua and maine. =D

The view was magnificient I swear.

And to end it all, I did abseiling down!

I was scared to he max and I keep repeating "I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared" to Mr. Chua.

LOL.

Lucky that it turned out fine and fun. =DDD

Now I can finally concentrate on my studies after all the fun is over.

Don't know what to feel and what to expect.

Mixture of happy, sad, relieved, loss, sian.

Oh well, life goes on.

2009-04-27T21:41:00.002+08:00

Ah, totally burnt from SMU Adrace like any other participants.
Both shoulders are redder than tomatoes. =(
And even carrying school bag is a painful process.

Climbing 24 storeys with Jon, Teck, Vincent at Bras Besar made me learnt this:
"To be stronger is to make yourself feel weaker." (?)

Endurance was the main point.
I had it at the start, but when long, mundane and tiring walks (together with the ever-so-hot weather) kicks in,
I'm disgusted to admit that: The virtue faded bit by bit in me.

Every single step made my head spin.
Every single spin made my determination leaked.
Every down made me vowed not to join any adventure races again.

And ironically,
SMU Adrace will be my last external race this year I suppose.
Something in me rejoiced when I completed the race.
But a part of me know I may not experience that degree of willpower again this year.
Except maybe for the upcoming Mount Ophir Expedition.
It will be time to surpass limits again.

----------

Golden words from Sp (rarely, LOL. She is going to poke me zillions when she sees this):
"There is a lot of task to complete, but all you can do is just do it."
=)

2009-04-14T22:20:00.004+08:00

Joke.
Full of accusations one reflect.
Irony.
Shed light on the reasons to dread.
Loser.
Unaware of irrationality.

----------

Looks are deceiving.
Xtina concluded this insignificantly and significantly today.
LOL.

Once done,
NEVER AGAIN.

----------

P.S.:

The easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Apparently, my mood has been fluctuating: more downs than ups.
I'm working out the reason -
But has yet come to a conclusion.
Everything seems interlinked yet disconnected.

I need an outlet to expel my burning, overheated system.

2009-04-02T23:26:00.003+08:00

Life has been cool and not bitchy this week.
It'll not last long I suppose.

I can't believe I was a twit/ah lian many years back.
A day or two ago, some classmates and I were comparing who used to be twitter. LOL.
I got flamed by some museum of twits shit-web back then and people threatened to beat me into a pulp. LOL.
Then gina said she know the person who created it! LOL.
Damn funny, I tell you. (see the big LOLs)
=D

I think Iago is an extreme.
I hope I don't encounter someone worse than him.

My pageviews dropped like mad.
Oh well, I will blog more often if I have enough time.

But when do we have enough time?

Ah, random.

beginning to dread dread dread dread dread...

2009-03-26T01:08:00.002+08:00

MARCH BLOCK TESTS ARE OVER OVER OVER OVER OVER FINALLY!

It's been long since I last blogged cos there is just so many things to do and so little time.
Guess I'll be hitting this place lesser as the A's draws near. =/

Had retail therapy today!
Bought a bag (Island shop sales!), quite a number of hair-related stuff (though i only got one head with not very long hair now, frowns) and a literature book.

I'm actually a very happy girl today.
I realised it's been almost a year since I last shopped in my school uniform with my friends.
HAHA, no life to the max.

Anyway, I miss my hair. =(

LONG, SILKY HAIR. (I don't have any better pics to prove my agony.)

LONG, CURLY HAIR!

The hair stylist said the ends were gone case, so I agreed to snip them all off a few weeks ago.
MY DEAR HAIR!
Now reduced to the length that is equivalent to (or less than) the length of the tip of my middle finger to the end of my palm!

Dear Hair ah Hair,
can you please grow a wee bit faster?
=)

2009-03-01T19:14:00.006+08:00

Yesterday was great!
Dad and Mum brought brother and I to Fish and Co.!
Nice filling dinner.
Mum said we can order anything!
So sweet. Hehehe. =)

Dad walked into my room at 12a.m. to wish me Happy Birthday when I was studying chemistry.
Then I realised he was holding on to a famous amos box!

And this is what's inside it:

Pretty and yummy please.

Thank you, all dear people:

Jon, Gina, Banana, Li Ying, Aldrich, Mansfield, Teck Quan, Jie Rong, Sok Peng, Ann Gee, Zhang Xiang, Zhong Ming, the j1s that i met yesterday, Vivien, Amanda, Song Leng, Kelvin, Genevieve, Germaine, Kenji, Kuan Yee, Christina, Wei de, Simone, Faruq, Godwin, Jolyn, Joseph, Jun Jia, Leonard, Michele, Kamal, Vincent, Vivian, Maine (who messaged me at 11.59p.m. because she say i will remember she wished me that way. LOL.)

THANK YOU. =D

2009-02-22T00:20:00.003+08:00

Parada Olymplica 2009

Broke my own timing for the race!
Got the 'I think I'm going to lao sai' feel during the run.

Finished 3.3km at 40th position.
ODAC guys clinched first three positions for the inter-CCA competition.
ODAC girls sandwiched Dance Society for the top-three position.

Swweeet.

homework, moanwork.

2009-02-16T22:24:00.003+08:00

Orientation 2009

08S417 OGLs!

After Orientation Night.

Callisto 4. =)

thanks kuan!

--------

World's craziest video:
http://picasaweb.google.co.uk/odac2008.2/2009010520090106XBlazeReceeCamp#5297385987654967490

LOL.

2009-02-15T23:21:00.003+08:00

I bet many will think I'm so naggy after this weekend.
T.T

Photos up soon!
Yet another hectic week ahead.

2009-01-31T23:25:00.006+08:00

Everytime I look, it makes me laugh.

----------

School has always been hectic.
And I predict next week will be worse.

Not a single hint nor clue,

but time to learn how to give up.

2009-01-25T17:05:00.002+08:00

I'm over at my maternal side cousin's house now and soon will be going over to my paternal side cousin's house.
Which is another 2-hour car ride on top of the 4-hour car ride not long ago.
They say when you sit too long your ass grow bigger.
OMG.

Till Tuesday, earthlings.
Gong xi fa cai!

2009-01-24T23:56:00.003+08:00

HEY YO PEOPLE.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

Will be back soon!

Glad that gloomy days are over. =)

2009-01-19T22:47:00.001+08:00

SORRY, BUT I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE.

FUCK YOU, WORLD.

2009-01-17T22:06:00.008+08:00

If you've read Jr's post on Synergy, you'll find the pictures below identical.
According to him, these are not all cos he still have to resize and upload the rest.
So hold your breath, and enjoy what's here first.
I know you'll. =)

Pretty boys.

My masterpiece painting is right smack in the middle.

Grinning happily cos he know someone's gonna love this.

NYP!

Woke up at 5.25a.m. today and went to meet the peeps at 6.20a.m..

Registered, partner with Jr and set off to Bukit Timah reserve at 9.15a.m..

Starting point: BUKIT TIMAH.

The terrain was so bad, my knees hurt like crap.

So, we decided to brisk walk. And is really brisk walk.

My legs were shorter than his, so generally his steps are 1.5x of mine.

But cool, chatting keeps my mind off the big steps I'm supposed to take to catch up with him.

START

Bus to bukit timah

Ran/brisk walk

Waited for Jr to climb spiral staircase and count steps

Ran/brisk walk

Moscode

Brisk walk

Kayaking

Took bus to upper thomson road

Chose wasabi-custard bread over raw eggs with shell

Brisk walk

Painted Jr's face

Brisk walk

Climbed 25 storeys and took a Polaroid picture

Ran/brisk walk

Reached NYP

Cycled while Jr ran alongside

Walked

Climbed rope ladder

(hear syhabuddin's voice encouraging us. saw him as one of the belayer!)

Ran to swimming pool

Made a bracelet while Jr paddled on a float using backstroke

Tied the bracelet on him and he paddled back

Ran

Abseiling

Walked

Superman slide.

END

Coolness.

I've a lot to thank Jr for:

Climbing the 7 storeys of spiral staircase and counted the no. of steps = 114,

Eating more than 50% of the wasabi-custard bread (argh, sick.),

Allowing me to paint his face,

Running while I cycled for 2+k.m. uphill and downhill,

and most importantly, not leaving me behind but keeps pushing me forward.

Pictures will be upload later.

Not going to blog on weekdays 'cos J2 meridians are so busy we've got to date our work 24/7. =/

2009-01-11T23:27:00.002+08:00

School's starting tmr, and I'm not blogging as often anymore.
I promise to mug hard this year, and I know I can do so.

On a lighter note,
Went back to the crazy Island Shop sales, got the white top and brown denim shorts at $5 bucks each again.
Muahaha!

I LOVE SCHOOL.
I LOVE TO MUG.

Good luck peeps.

2009-01-10T22:47:00.007+08:00

People are saying that mosquitoes can grow in my blog.

Really meh?

I thought I blog quite frequently.

Oh my.

Yesterday

So anyway, Mum and I went shopping yesterday.

And Isetan is having 90% Island Shop SALES!

I got a pair of blue jeans for $5 when the usual price is $69.90.

Then another pair of brown shorts for $5 when the usual price is also $69.90.

HEAVEN.

I am thinking of getting their White T-shirt - $5 too, madness.

----------

Today

Woke up at 1+p.m. as usual.

Mum fetched me over to Mansfield's block because I wanted to pass him some paperwork which I don't know how to describe here.

Then off to eat kebabs at Eastpoint!

Afterwhich, I had maths tuition.
Then tadaaaahhh! I'm in front of the computer entertaining you, my fellow earthling.

School is starting soon.

A part of me CAN'T WAIT.

A part of me says OH SHIT.

Oh my gosh, God save me please, as usual.

2009-01-08T23:09:00.006+08:00

Yesterday
Had 08S417 chalet.
Went for the bbq only because I was too tired after the recce camp.

Today
WENT OUT WITH 6A!
Finally, like after 5 years.
OMG.

Had Fish & Co. at the glass house.

Part of 6A.

And went to 'The Mind Cafe' at some place I didn't go before!
Pretty cool.
Hehe.

Tmr is shopping with mum!

Don't leave the light on baby.

2009-01-08T01:34:00.002+08:00

It's only the starting of the year, but I messed up the first event on my list.
This taught me to be much more prepared for events than I'm supposed to be.
And not to panic.
Only people who are not confident will panic.
Lesson learnt: I should calm down the next time when something crops up.
But of corse I hope SOMEONE is not messing plans up again.
Just giving me more unnecessary stress apart from my bad of not being solid enough.
Argh.

I'm not myself lately.
Don't know what's happening to me.
The things I hear, I see, I think is making me worry.
God save me please.

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?

2009-01-02T17:02:00.003+08:00

IT'S ONE DAY AFTER THE FIRST DAY OF 2009!

This year will spell busy for me, cos A's is approaching in 10 months.
OMG.
-jaw drops, eyes popped out-

School's gonna reopen in about 9 days.
And I'm left with 18 maths questions in the holiday assignment.

Anyway, I found this grow cube game on ODAC blog.
Took one night and one afternoon to solve it.

HAHAHAHA!

----------

New year, new hope, new goals.

2008 was fairly horrible.
Those that know what i went through understand what that means.
Well, it's been almost year over that.
And I'm gearing my physical fitness up.
Watch out, NAPFA test.
I will conquer you totally again this year like I did in the past before last year.

No more fears.
2009 will mark the return of the colourful life i had before.
Everything will change for the better.

Watch me, people.

2008-12-27T00:21:00.007+08:00

Today was fun!

Met maine, anngee, gina, peihan and occasionally sok peng at tampines library to mug.
Kena complained once cos we talked and laughed.

Then after lunch,
I went to meet Jon straight at tampines mrt instead of going home to change into my PT kit.
Trained to outram park then to farrer park (all the parks, omg) to meet Leonard!

We did something pretty fresh and nice (to me and Jon): indoor rockclimbing!

The last time Jon and I rockclimbed was during an overnight Odac adventure race, Exposē in May.
I thought I won't be climbing today cos my knee is injured and I'm not in my PT kit.
But when Jon started climbing, it looks quite fun.
AND BESIDES (see this Leo), Leonard gave me an incentive to climb. -ahem ahem-

Bouldering

Off the ground!

and higher up! HOHO!

High Wall Rockclimbing

Leonard was belaying me.
When i am at only mid-way, I was already screaming until the whole hall can hear me, omg.
"PULL ME UP LEONARD! DON'T LET GO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!"
"PUT ME DOWN, PUT ME DOWN!"

OMG. so embarassing.

up up up.

and I REACHED THE TOP.

I swear I so wanted to stop about 3/4 up the rockwall.
Lactic acid built up in my hands like crazy.
It's hurting now everytime i used a little more strength to type.
Hoho.

Going to see many of my relatives tomorrow!

2008-12-26T00:57:00.006+08:00

And you won't even hold me back.

You don't even care.

I'm dying.

The damp pillow is all that's left to break the code of saddness.
And you will never want to be it.

I closed my eyes and you'll appear.
Then a sharp pain engulfed me.
Tell me horror's over.
Embrace me again.

2008-12-25T01:01:00.004+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS PEOPLE!
=)

Yesterday (23/12),
Jon and I went for dinner at Fish & Co..
Oh my, Seafood Platter for 2 was superb!
Big prawns with cheese and white cream over them, huge clams, yummy black pepper sotongs, and their famous fish that's omgly-soft and delicious!
They even had nice, unique crispy fries!
All of the above covered the delicious orange rice underneath!
How not to salivate?

Which part of it doesn't spell yummy?

Throughout the delicious Platter, i kept telling him i want want want the Hot Chocolate Fudge i saw on the menu.
And man, i didn't regret my choice.
Jon said it was nice too!

The chocolate is sooooo yummy i want to lick the plate.

The bill was pretty too.
=xxx

I can't thank him enough for this meal man.
Shall ask santa to bring him a present tonight.
-winks-

2008-12-22T00:04:00.003+08:00

Sorry for not blogging for like long long time.
I know you guys miss me, so I'm back!
Hehe.

The odacians who went China were back on the 16th!
Went to fetch them at the airport!
Their noses and cheeks were slightly red and rosy. SO COOL.

After they came back, the next three days was fully spent with them.
We had an ENORMOUS bungalow chalet, thanks to teck. =)
Slept for about 4 hours on and off after seeing people getting high after alcohol.
Muahaha!

Went to buy bbq stuff after which and marinated the chickens.
Had a fun bbq that night cos the fire was pretty strong. (duh!)
There was a chocolate fondue for our marshmallows made from 2 chocolate bars.

The odacians that went China had bad tummy after they return.
And charmaine has been shitting throughout the chalet.
And the movies we rented were sort of crap.
And the people who played mahjong all day were guys.
And almost everyone turned up!

And I had fun. =)

2008-11-30T00:12:00.000+08:00

OGL camp is over!

And team 2 got third!
woooohoooooo!
=D

made new and funny friends.
the nightwalk in the hall was quite hilarious.
LOL.

Off to pulau ubin on 1st dec,
to cameron highlands from 3rd - 8/9 dec!
CHEERS.

2008-11-21T02:01:00.015+08:00

I'm sleeping late tonight.
Yaya, I know I've been doing so since the holidays started.
But tonight, there is another reason for staying up late.

This week has been pretty peaceful, no roller coaster rides of emotions.
Because,But I know once I wake up tomorrow, it will not be the same anymore.
-BLANK-
That's what I'm feeling now.

Time passes fast when you sleep.
So I think I better not fall asleep anytime soon.
I just want a bit more time to feel such peace at heart.

Maybe it's been long since I had inner peace.
=/Or maybe, I just fear the arrival of tomorrow.

2008-11-19T23:26:00.008+08:00

HELLO EARTHLINGS!

I know you people miss me like nuts, so I'm back after a few days!
I see you dancing in joy. =P

Blogging here leaves you guys one essential clue: I'M NOT AT OBS CAMP.
Yes, I'm frowning.
People say good things come after bad right?
So despite not going for OBS (which a bunch of odacians went), my life still went pretty okay.

Monday

Felt terrible at first because I'm so freaking bored.
Went out later on in the afternoon to Eastpoint with the intention to borrow Twilight.
BUT...
It's OOS!
(Pardon me for the blogshop-language.)
It's Out Of Stock!

So i borrowed another romance book, Hungry For More.
Quite interesting, it's about this cook and the girl who is a Gypsy.
They fell in love with each others but the girl doesn't wish fall in love with him cos that will make her lose Maddie, which is a spirit voice that tells her who is the One True Love of that person whenever she touches that person.
Aiya, you will not be interested to know the storylines lah.

Anyway, I got a steal deal while shopping around.
=D

Okay, I got bored.
So I went home and tried something new.
Dying hair using HENNA!
Yes, the traditional thing Indians always use to deco their hands.
COOL HOR?

Don't get deceived by its ugly colour.
It smells pretty good okay!
A bit reddish actually, but not visible here.

And there.
Gloves, Dye Combs and Brushes and the nice HENNA.

100% no chemical used for the Henna.
How good is that? =)

Tuesday

Woke up at a jaw-dropping time: 2.00p.m..
LOL.
Dad took half-day leave and was already AT HOME.
HAHA!

So Dad, Mum, Bro and I went out to Bugis!
They were so glad i didn't shop for my stuff.
Haha.

Then we went to airport to makan.
We had Popeye for dinner.
Gosh, dinner was superb.

Went home to paint my toe nails.
It's now dark red!
=D

Today

Nothing much except that I woke up later than ytd by 20mins, which is 2.20p.m..
=DDD

Handled my blogshop for the afternoon until just now before i started blogging.
The non-obs people are hitting the town tmr I think.

And maine said that the clothes I ordered from her when she is in Taiwan haven't come yet.
Only the black striped polo tee took the plane with her back.
EH. ONLY $2.50 OKAY!
Omg.
I bought one polo tee, one cardigan, one floral halter-neck top, one long sleeve at only holy $15!
Thanks Charmaine.
I bet when she sees this, she will be yayapapaya-ing away.
Hehe.
=x

----------

Oh yah, haven't put this pic up yet.
Happened a few weeks ago.

I forgot how it happened.

I was enjoying my Myojo Tom Yam Maggie and wrapping Tk's gift.
Mansfield was sitting on the table wrapping Tk's gift too.
Jon was at the side of the table talking with us.
Teck tried to jump across the table with hot drinks on top since Jon was hindering his way.
Or maybe Jon tried to be playful by purposely lifting up the table a bit higher.

I have no idea.

AND THEN...

PIAK! BLESH!

Heng my Tom Yam Maggie escaped unscathed.
Except I tasted a little bit of Teh in it after that when I eat it.
HAHA!

You're my greatest sin.

2008-11-16T00:42:00.009+08:00

Visit STOMP! to view articles of recent events and you'll notice this phenomenon of students doing immature acts known as 'birthday bash'.

The schools involved are not secondary schools mind you earthlings.
They are from what, Junior Colleges?
What's more, the immature acts are commited by students from (supposedly known as) one of the few elite colleges, ACJC.
And also by famous institution like SAJC.

I think they should act with more discretion like people thought they would.

With at least 17 years of education, they are unable to realise the potential hazards to their senseless acts?
They are unable to think of the possible consequences that might result from that few moments of "fun"?

I'm not directing faults at anyone here, neither the school nor the parents.

But just what on Earth make some people think they have the right to do such humilating acts to others?

Maybe these people should just go and reflect upon their mistakes for forever.

2008-11-12T01:23:00.010+08:00

Please read the post below first before reading the this exciting and breath-taking post. =)

Advertorial:
(If you even call this an advertorial)

I SET UP MY OWN BLOGSHOP!
(jumps for joy, spins around in circles. Whatever. LOL)

It's the holidays and we, as delicated muggers, need our mugging weapons for next year.
So, IT'S TIME TO STOCK THEM UP!

And where do you purchase them?
http://www.write-cheap.blogspot.com/

The stationary pre-orders will be on for only THIS HOLIDAYS.
I tell you, it's freaking, oh-heavenly cheap.

Now you need not fret about paying more than what the good values!

Here's a sneak peek at one of the items:

ZIG Clean Colours Markers!
Picture credit to: http://www.overjoyed.com.sg

ALSO, THIS IS THE NEW SEGMENT THAT I DECIDED TO ADD IN LIKE A FEW MINS AGO:

I'm putting up Screen/ colourized tees pre-order!

NOT THOSE ELMO TEES YOU SEE IN BUGIS STREET.
NO.

Go take a peek at the webbie.
It doesn't hurt pleasing your soul JUST by looking at it. =)

And yes, it will be very very very very very worth the price.

Go take a quick look alright!

See, so omg-ly cute.
Hoho.

Whatever you need, whatever its cheap!
http://www.write-cheap.blogspot.com/

Teehee. =P

credits to: germaine

CLICK!

2008-11-12T01:06:00.005+08:00

HELLO THERE PEOPLE!

A BIG BIG BIG PLEASANT SURPRISE FOR ALL!

Advertorial:

Need new shoes to go shopping?
Tired of having similar shoes to others walking on the streets?
Hate having plain and mundane shoes?

HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO GET PERSONALISED SHOES!
Yes, ONLY A FEW PIECES on this whole big round Earth my dears.

Sounds soooo nice right!

www.kick-azz.blogspot.com provides the best shoes in town.

Or at least I feel so.

The shoes were made with care. Every single stroke of paint will be nice and smooth.

You can't imagine such pretty shoes can be so cheap! Talking about value for goods, omg.

Here is a sneak peek at one of the few unique designs:

Come on, tell me, where to get such nice, pretty, oh-my-goodness-gorgeous shoes?

Confirm only at http://www.kick-azz.blogspot.com/ lor please! =)

2008-11-09T22:03:00.007+08:00

I'm so sorry for the disappearance for multiple days.
I was really very very very busy with A WHOLE LOT of things yo.

FRIDAY

This marks the end of PW.
Omg omg omg, PW is ooooovvvvveeeeeeeerrrrrrr!
Tell me, who don't rejoice?
I'll ask dinosaurs to eat those people up.

Some odacians realised that SAJC are coming with us for 1-star course too!

SATURDAY

Woke up with an aim in mind:
Complete kayaking 1-star course by hook or crook w/o inhaler.
(and yes, i did it. hohoho.)

Only part of odac went for it since we are noobies, we haven't got the certificate yet.
Yes, we learnt a lot of skills.
And heaven decided to reward us with aching muscles with painful hands and legs.
=(

Went home to apply oil and massage my arms.
HOHO, the bed was like paradise.

SUNDAY, TODAY!

My muscles were aching like mad and omg, I was running late.
Yes, I was the latest to meet the peeps.
And I still got the cheek to go and shit in the toilet cos' my tummy was bad.
LOL.

We reached the sports centre first and WOOOHOOO!
We get to launch our kayaks first!
Did mass capsize.
That's like the best part of the whole course please, though i got hit by the bow (front of kayak) at the mouth when i was performing the rescue drill.
Yes, it's swollen now. =(

After lunch, we had a mini expedition together with CJC!
Damn tiring omg.
It's like carrying an elephant, climbing 100 storeys after starving for 1 week.
Ya lah ya lah, I yayapapaya lah.
But you get my point.
=D

And now sitting at home, I still feel like I am on the kayak drifting from left to right.
LOL.

Cheers man.

grinning like mad.

----------------

CHECK OUT THIS SPACE SOON!

SOMETHING EXCITING IS COMING UP FOR ALLLLLLLL OF YOUUUUU!